Endless Capacity to Love

I believe God gave all of us an endless capacity to love.

I got married at 22 and had to learn that real love was not based on beauty; it was deciding to care for someone else more than you cared about yourself. It was sacrificial love that led to forever attachment.

My wife Karen and I had a daughter four years later. I did not understand how I could add someone else to the list of people I loved more than I loved myself, but the first time I saw my daughter, it happened again. I loved her in ways I still can’t fully describe. She was completely helpless, and it was all up to her mother and me to protect her and help her grow and thrive. No one had ever been that dependent on me before.

Nineteen months later, our second daughter was born. Leading up to her birth, I had no idea how I could love another child like I loved my first daughter. Our second daughter was born, and it happened again. I suddenly had all this extra capacity to love her too. I still remember the feeling as I held her the first time. How did this happen again?

From just after our girls were born, Karen and I prayed about the men they would marry. We prayed for them and their parents. Our girls grew into beautiful young women and eventually began dating. Many of the first guys they brought home were real losers, or at least that’s what I told myself. I was their protector. I did not want any teenage boy anywhere near my daughters. I did all I could to push them away.

It occurred to me one day that eventually one of these guys would become my son-in-law, and I would need a relationship with them to maintain a good relationship with my daughter. Fortunately, by this time my daughter’s choice in men had dramatically improved. I began to see that these guys could be the person Karen and I had been praying for. However, when they were still in boyfriend status, it never occurred to me that I could ever love them like they were one of my children.

Fast forward through the engagements to the weddings. I never understood the symbolism of giving your daughter away until I had to do it. I spent 25 years as the protector of those precious little girls God gave me. Then, in one afternoon, I just gave all that responsibly away to some kid that was as clueless about love as I was at his age. As I saw how their fiancés and eventually their husbands loved my daughters so much, so selflessly, it happened again. My capacity for love continued to grow, and I realized that I had learned to love those men like they were my sons. Karen and I now tell everyone that we have two daughters and two sons.

Nothing prepared me for what was next: grandchildren.

As my youngest daughter was expecting 4+ years ago, the in thing to do was choose your grandma and grandpa names. My wife was all about it. She was going to be “Gigi”. I thought the whole process was silly, but I eventually gave in and chose “Papa T”.

I met my first grandson a few months later… and it happened again in a big way. I had this indescribable extra capacity to love another person. I loved my grandson in ways I could not describe. It’s different than being a parent. It’s all the love, without all the responsibility. I still think it is the greatest thing in the world. Then he learned to talk and told me “I love you, Papa T”. I finally got why grandpa names are a thing.

Two years later, our oldest daughter had a son. At that point in my life, I should have known what to expect, but I still remember holding him the first time. There it was again - that incredible, unexplainable, endless capacity to love. I should not have been so surprised at the feeling, but I was.

Our youngest daughter had a second son this week. His picture is the image in this post. I get to meet him next week! I’ve seen photos, and I’ve talked to him on FaceTime, but I know the real overwhelming emotions of love will not really hit me until I hold him the first time. I can’t wait. I think I know what to expect this time, but I’m sure it will surprise me again.

God gave us all many gifts and abilities when he created us. I believe the endless capacity to love was one of His best.